Monday – Day 1

It’s unusually quiet. I know I’m not much of a morning person, but this silence is kind of disturbing, disturbing enough to drag me from my slumber. There’s another 2 hours left for the alarm to go off, and on a Monday morning! What the actual fuck?

Last night was hazy, I don’t really remember changing but here I am in boxers. Maybe I did change into something comfy, if you know what I mean. (Note to self: too cliche!) The other side of the King-size bed seems slept in, but can’t remember what she looked like. Hmm.. Was this a dream? Is this a dream? Hurts when I pinch, so I guess NO. Anyway, too trivial to ponder about it at the moment, need to check on this “silence” thing.

The hall is empty and surprisingly un-unorganized. Knowing the habits of my friends, I’m surprised they actually cleaned up after themselves. Maybe they finally took to my routine sarcasm and learnt something. Me-1, Friends-0 woot-woot! The TV is still on, although nothing but static on every channel. I swear if Jay messed with the receiver again, he’s in for a WUURRLLLDD of hurt. Come to think of it, this kinda explains why everyone split without waking me up. Great move, assholes! It’s not like I can’t reach you guys or anything. This time, it will NOT be me who’s paying the cable-guy, Nu-huh!

The front door is open, but I can’t seem to hear anything from outside, considering the daily morning music orchestrated in perfect sync by the Neighborly band. The next door guy clearing his throat while brushing in the bathroom, loud enough to scare the pigeon family who’d made the air vents their home. Lady upstairs screaming at her kids to dress and eat faster else they’ll miss the School bus, followed by kids scurrying down flight of stairs wearing what sounds like ceramic boots. Retired geezers on their early morning walks, arguing about whatever the fuck retired old people argue about. And the never-ending honks and screeches of vehicles, some moving out, some coming home, some just going wee-woo wee-woo wee-woo wee-woo wooooot wooooot…

But today, I can hear my own heart beating. I half-expected a crowd to jump out from somewhere shouting “Happy Birthdaayy”, but they didn’t. It wasn’t my Birthday either, and even if it were, no one would go to this length to congratulate me for something which literally takes no effort from my end to achieve. I just lived and became older. Big whoop. Birthdays were fun back then, but now, there’s too much expectations from others. I remember making my birth-date private on Facebook the night before my last birthday. Suck on that, suckers. Now let’s see who remembers my Birthday without the internet to remind you! It was interesting the way it worked out, all for the better.

OK. I’m starting to feel something is not right here. After a night-long party, there’s no one passed out on the floor or anywhere, the bathroom’s clean, the kitchen is, well, acceptably decent, no broken glasses or bottles to be seen. In fact, where ARE the empty bottles anyway? It’s like Nanny McPhee flew in and got busy tidying up the house, getting people in line and left with them in a hurry, all in, let’s see, 3 hours while I was asleep? Not right at all.

I’d call up someone, but for some reason, the cellphone signal’s gone. Maybe the towers went dead. Airtel never had a very good connection in this area, it was only a matter of days before something messed with their already-waning signal. I should’ve changed to Vodafone, I guess I’d put it off for too long and now Karma is back to get my ass. Fuck it. Technology is only great when it works. If it breaks, it’s such a bitch.

The whole building is awfully quiet, so quiet in fact, I’m scared to make any noise lest I hear a response I don’t really want to hear. There’s no soul in sight. It’s funny when people say “there’s  no soul ..”, especially the ones who don’t really believe in the afterlife. The ground floor is empty, although all the vehicles seem to be at their parkings. Maybe people are still sleeping in, some holiday I was not aware of? If my Manager did not inform me of this, he’s going to get a piece of my mind, but diplomatically. I still care about that promotion, and until then, I need to be on his good side.

And as I stepped out to the open, that’s when I saw it.

Then and now

Then, I was scared that the topics I studied would not be included in the exam questions
Now, I am scared that the work experience I have right now would not matter in my next
job

Then, I was scared that the power would go off while I tackle the last stages of my Video
Games
Now, I am scared that the power would go off long enough to drain my UPS battery while I
play Computer games

Then, I was scared that Mom would forget to get candies and what-not when she comes home
in the evenings
Now, I am scared of diabetes from eating pretty much whatever I want

Then, I was scared I would not be able to finish my chores on time to enjoy a Saturday
evening
Now, I can’t enjoy a Saturday evening with incomplete errands on my mind

Then, I’d wanted to be an astronaut, pilot, missionary, knight of the round table,
adventurer.. and the list went on
Now, I’d settle for an awesome retirement plan

Then, I was scared of the dark
Now, I am scared of what lurks in it

Then, I couldn’t wait to grow up
Now, I’d give up everything to be a child again

Then, I felt I was smothered with family and affection
Now, I realise how lucky I was

Then, I could run endless miles and back home again
Now, I’m just glad the treadmill stays at the same place

Then, I’d dream about what I’d do when I grow up
Now, I reminisce about how I grew up

Then, Friday evenings were awesome
Now, Friday evening is still awesome!

Then…

My Worry

He slithers behind my every step
like a shadow, trying to catch me up,
But I cannot allow that.
I tread faster each day,
Always aware that if I pause
He’d overwhelm my spirit and dull my being.

Sometimes I pretend to outrun his grasp
and look far ahead, without glancing back,
I’m joyous for brief moments I’d cherish always.
But, alas, it is short-lived,
for he takes pleasure in reminding me
that we are bounded by chains unbreakable,
chains forged out of relations and emotions,
those that evolve to more complex things with age,
chains that will drag my corpse to the grave.

Each day is an endless battle
but daylight is my ally, I triumph.
I stay ahead without missing a step,
but as night creeps in, when he follows me home,
he lies beside me, I’m too tired to resist,
Nowhere to run, I give in
and sleep a sleepless disturbance.

PS: Hope this post better break my blogger’s block. 1 Year since! WTH!