Archive for October, 2009

09
Oct
09

Slasher bash

I watched a 2009 remake of Friday the 13th the other night. Not great. (This post was created while watching the movie, minimised in one corner of the screen). I guess the movie would’ve fared much better had it been released.. maybe.. 10 years back. The thing with Thriller/Slasher movies is that the not-so-vast library of formulae has been totally depleted. I mean, most of them show the same thing over and over and over again, only difference being some more gory than the next.
I’ve watched my share of gory movies, the list being SAW, The hills have eyes, Texas Chainsaw massacre, Wrong turn, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm street, I know what you did last summer, Final Destination, Urban legend, Turistas etc etc.. and a couple of Japanese Hard-core-gore.. and in most of the movies, the first couple to have sex die the earliest, probably a couple of B-grade actors trying to gain fame by showing some more skin than others (But we know that that does not work anymore in Hollywood, maybe in Bollywood, but definitely not in Hollywood!)
In the original versions of these movies, there was just the killer slashing his way through the victims, but lately, with the “revised” movies, they try to show their “humane” side, like that was possible. The stress is on making the audience empathize with the killer, about how a tragic incident left him no choice but to kill people! Bullshit! Killers kill because they can (Not because when they were young, they saw someone close to them being murdered or something.), and thats what makes them scary, cos’ they massacre for the love of it. Thats why the ring was so great, the ghost just loved killing people.
Anyway, after the first murder, there’s always a misunderstanding between the group, parting ways and eventually one of the group would come across the killer and be killed! D-uh! Sometimes, its just plain frustrating to watch these movies because they are so damn predictable, with their false scares and stuff. No wonder they do so badly at the Box Office.
The movie always involves a couple of guys with hot chicks, never your normal-looking girl/boy-next-door people. And the hotter and hornier they are, the less time they survive. That’s a fact. If you don’t believe me, try watching them all, and don’t blame me for screwing up the suspense.
Maybe the reason these movies suck is because we’ve seen too many of them, that slash and gore is nothing new. I mean, watch Turistas, there’s a scene where a guy chops off another man’s fingers cos’ he was simply trying to defend himself. Then there’s the scene in SAW where the actor had to “SAW” off his legs to free himself from the cuffs. How in the world would anybody top that?
Then theres those Japanese flicks, gory to the core. If you’ve watched “Battle Royale”, you would know what i’m talking about. Its the story of a class of students stranded in an island with mini-bombs on their necks which were timed to go off in 3 days. If there were more than 1 survivor, the bomb would go off anyway after 3 days, so they’ve gotta start killing others, whether they like it or not. There were some who did, and some who didn’t, and some who didn’t want to, but did anyway. Great concept. Japanese child actors kicks ass, literally and metaphorically.

friday_the_13th_movie_posterI watched a 2009 remake of Friday the 13th the other night. Not great. (This post was created while watching the movie, minimised in one corner of the screen). I guess the movie would’ve fared much better had it been released.. maybe.. 10 years back. The thing with Thriller/Slasher movies is that the not-so-vast library of formulae has been totally depleted. I mean, most of them show the same thing over and over and over again, only difference being some more gory than the next.

I’ve watched my share of gory movies, SAW, The hills have eyes, Texas Chainsaw massacre, Wrong turn, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm street, I know what you did last summer, Final Destination, Urban legend, Turistas etc etc.. those by Wes Craven, Rob Zombie, Tarantino and a couple of Japanese Hard-core-gore.. and in most of the movies, the first couple to have sex die the earliest, probably a couple of B-grade actors trying to gain fame by showing some more skin than others (But we know that that does not work anymore in Hollywood, maybe in Bollywood, but definitely not in Hollywood!)

In the original versions of these movies, there was just the killer slashing his way through the victims, and we loved to hate them.  But lately, with the “revised” movies, they try to show their “humane” side, like that was possible. The stress is on making the audience empathize with the killer, about how a tragic incident left him no choice but to kill people! Bullshit! Killers kill because they can, not because when they were born deformed/had an accident which made them deformed/due to the effects of radiation became cannibals/had serious father or mother issues/saw someone close to them being murdered etc etc.. and thats what makes them scary, cos’ they massacred for the love of it. Thats why the ring was so great, the ghost just loved killing people. Period.

Anyway, after the first murder, there’s always a misunderstanding between the group, parting ways and eventually one of the group would come across the killer and be killed! D-uh! Sometimes, its just plain frustrating to watch these movies because they are so damn predictable, with their false scares and stuff. No wonder they do so badly at the Box Office. And when if at all the actors would be interviewed, they would be like “Ohh.. I loved the script.. it was totally original.. blahblahcrap..”

The movie always involves a couple of guys with hot chicks, never your normal-looking girl/boy-next-door people. And the hotter and hornier they are, the less time they survive. That’s a fact. If you don’t believe me, try watching them all, and don’t blame me for screwing up the suspense. It always works.

battle_royaleMaybe the reason these movies suck is because we’ve seen too many of them, that slash and gore is nothing new. I mean, watch Turistas, there’s a scene where a guy chops off another man’s fingers cos’ he was simply trying to defend himself. Then there’s the scene in SAW where the actor had to “SAW” off his legs to free himself from the cuffs. How in the world would anybody top that? (In fact, the only way to top that is REAL LIFE stuff.. that’s probably why reality TV is so damn popular.)

Then theres those Japanese flicks, gory to the core. If you’ve watched “Battle Royale”, you would know what i’m talking about. Its the story of a class of students stranded in an island with mini-bombs on their necks which were timed to go off in 3 days. If there were more than 1 survivor, the bomb would go off anyway after 3 days, so they’ve gotta start killing others, whether they like it or not. There were some who did, and some who didn’t, and some who didn’t want to, but did anyway. Great concept. Japanese child actors kicks ass, literally and metaphorically.

Anyway, gore is sometimes refreshing. Its more like porn in the sense that they leave little for the imagination. It’s all there. And when you really want to watch something thats all extreme, real, bad-ass, blood-curling, hair-raising, heart-pounding, sweat-inducing, then turn on your news channel. 🙂

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