Archive for April, 2009

29
Apr
09

Chandni chowk to China

I watched the movie a few days back, not for any reason but just to watch it. I’ve read the reviews beforehand on the internet, heard from friends who blew away a few beers worth to watch it at a City Multiplex, I know how bad the movie was even before it started and expected the worst, but nothing could prepare me for what I had to endure. If there was a one-word description for the movie, SHIT would pretty much be it.

There were exactly 2 scenes which I find originally funny the whole  till-what-I-could-bring-myself-to-bear in the movie. One was where the hero found a Potato resembling the Hindu God Ganesha and what transpired after. It was funny cos’ it was so close to reality. The other was in an airplane when they were leaving for China, which would be funnier if watched than described. Both these events happened at the start of the movie, after which the rest of the movie went pretty much downhill, with no hope of a comeback/resurrection.

I am not going to write about the story of the movie, believe me, there was none. There was no logical, illogical or extremely supernatural explanation for anything that went on in the movie. The thing that pisses me off, is that they inserted cartoonish comedy scenes in the movie, then make them emote (Like that was possible) and create drama, so the movie is kinda like the transition between Cartoon Network and TNT (which used to cause much sadness back then.. sigh!), but neither here nor there.

The thing I noticed about Indian acting/actors in the movie kinda opened my eyes (With a bit of help from internet Forums on acting and Cinema),  I’ve read that anger and sorrow are the easiest emotions to portray for an actor, and Indian actors take that too seriously, cos’ those are the only two emotions they CAN potray. When they are angry, they scream in anger, when motivated, they scream with motivation, when scared, they scream in fear… and on the other hand, when they are sad, they cry in sorrow, when happy, they cry in happiness, when scared, they cry in fear.. No wonder Hindi movies are full of screaming, then crying, then more screaming, then more crying and it goes on till the hero kills the Villian. Each movie dwells on the same small collection of what directors call “Success formulae”, funny part is that some actually are Big Hits at the Indian BAX AFFIS.

Back to the movie, contrary to popular belief, Deepika could actually perform action stunts. There was a scene when the hero reached China airport and there was an action sequence with her. She didn’t suck as much as I had anticipated. Maybe it was the Action director, maybe it was the camera director, or maybe it simply was the illusion that hot-bodied chicks create when they perform action stunts which make them look better than they actually are… Lara Croft, Resident Evil, Electra, etc etc… (You KNOW what I’m talking about.. unless you’re a female, of course.. hmm..) But seriously, unless they did find a really Indian-looking Chinese stuntwoman, I would like to believe that our Indian beauty performed her own stunts, and it was pretty impressive.

Sooo… at the end of my patience, I stopped the movie and started listening to music to cool my nerves.. which I think was about 15 mins after the intermission… and yes.. Intermission.. Aren’t movies (Mostly indian which still has the INTERMISSION thing) suppose to create a feeling of suspense and thrill just as the INTERMISSION sign appears on the screen?? That moment in this movie was as thrilling and suspenseful as watching your nails grow.. on a moonless night.. under the sheets!

So my advice to the handful who pass through this way… who am I kidding?? I watch sad, pathetic Bollywood movies (Even though I hate them) when I could’ve watched others, and then rant about it on my blog! I guess I should be taking advice from youse guys.. Peace!

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28
Apr
09

The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

I was reading stuff about Intelligent Design on Wiki, following up on a movie I recently watched named “Flock of Dodos”. The movie debates about the Theory of Evolution and that of Intelligent Design, something which I didn’t really know about much.

As it turns out, there are a lotta people out there making up their own theories and deductions about life and the whole idea of Creation, and they back it up with really crazy/funny ideas. Anyways, here is something which I find really fascinating!

*** This is a total rip-off from Wikipedia ***

The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is the deity of the parody religion. “The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster“. It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution in public schools. Since the intelligent design movement used ambiguous references to an unspecified “Intelligent Designer” to avoid court rulings prohibiting the teaching of creationism as a science, this presumably left open the possibility that any imaginable thing could fill that role.

Captain Mosey and the Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”

While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he couldn’t find a pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain (a parody of Moses) received some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. These were called the “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” by the FSM, the “Commandments” by Mosey, and the “Condiments” by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”, two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event “partly accounts for Pastafarians’ flimsy moral standards.” The FSM’s commandments address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition. The morals and standards expressed by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the deity of pastafarians, supposedly said that the simple language of the Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” makes them easy to understand for anyone while still maintaining an accurate portrayal of the beliefs and values he’d like his followers to keep in mind.

 

The Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”

  1. I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.
  2. I’d really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
  3. I’d really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
  4. I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is “go fuck yourself,” unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go on a walk for a change.
  5. I’d really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
  6. I’d really rather you didn’t build multi-million dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
    1. Ending poverty
    2. Curing diseases
    3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable

    I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.

  7. I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?
  8. I’d really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.
24
Apr
09

The “Lord of the Rings” Marathon

So last weekend, I had a lonely “Lord of the Rings” Marathon, taking a time-out to pamper myself and relax. I haven’t really ever watched any of the parts from the start to the end, just a few interesting parts which really didn’t make any sense when out together.

I had read the book when the movie was in production, but abandoned it after “The Two Towers” cos’ there were too many places and characters to remember, let alone the plotting and scheming. I decided to rather wait for the trilogy to release. It’s much easier when you have recognisable faces to associate the names with.

To bring a novel as epic and immensely complex to life in motion pictures is indeed as huge as the story itself. I watched each scene carefully trying to find some bloopers and visual screw-ups but was left highly impressed by the minute attention to detail paid by the crew and cast. This proves that Bollywood has still a long way to go when it comes to creating Magic on-screen.

There were, although, a few things I noticed in the movie which, earlier, weren’t really that prominent to me:

The first one was that there was way too much body contact (And lingering, silent yet comfortable eye contact) between the Hobbits, espcially Frodo and Samwise. We get it, they were the best of friends, of BFF (For the uninitiated, it means Best Friends Forever), but that does not qualify them to hug and shed a tear at every opportunity they get. I don’t think Mr. Tolkien intended their relation to be as seemingly gay as Peter Jackson depicted it, or maybe he was just trying to appeal to the obvious masses for higher ratings… well, I guess its all business..

The second was the similarity between it and the Harry Potter series. I think JK Rowling drew inspiration from the characters in LOTR. There’s the obvious Gandalf the Grey and Prof. Dumbledore, old, long locks of white hair and beard, Master Wizards fighting on the good side, et al.. There’s the eerie resemblance of the Dementors with the nine Nazgûl, the dark riders who were always after Frodo’s ass pretty much the whole movie.

Well, the ending was great, but the war and the battles were incredibly lifelike and totally engrossing. I think it was one of the best ones I’ve seen so far, others in my favorites list are those in Braveheart, The Patriot and Gladiator, to name a few.. The sceneries in the movie were dreamy and fantasy-like, it fits perfectly with the characters and the scenes. I think I will be going for another Marathon pretty soon, it sure beats a marathon of Thriller Serials, like 24, Prison break, etc.. I mean, at least, trilogies have a beginning and ending.. and something in between too.. hehe..

15
Apr
09

Sadowac the internet ?

I was researching on some issue about malwares and viruses for troubleshooting a customers computer when I came across a Polish website. Conveniently, Google had the option to “Translate this page..” for the only approriate search result I could find. So, I obviously clicked on it and it brought me to the following page (You would probably have to enlarge the picture to read the text):

sadowac

I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything, Google has made me a smarter man, but I find it extremely hilarious cos’ I don’t think neither the Poles nor the English-speaking community would be able to make much sense of some of the translated sentences. 

PS:  This is a Guilty-Post, cos’ I haven’t been thinking much lately yet I feel guilty for not having anything to post. I think the summer heat is getting to my head, it’s too hot to think of anything else but heat.. Can’t wait for the rains.. no matter how acid they may come.. 🙂

07
Apr
09

Sketches – 1

The mind's eye

The mind's eye

The mind’s eye: Inspired by something I saw at a pub called Apache in Pune. It’s well known for great cocktails, 99.99% male crowd and the same rock songs every day after day.

Fingers

Fingers

 Fingers: The first glance would seem normal, but look again closely and you will find the anomaly in the picture. And yes, it’s created with a tracing of my palm, I’m not that good an artist to create one myself.

07
Apr
09

Scream

Scream from anger,

Scream from pain,

Scream at the thunder in the rain,

Scream a melody,

Scream a scream,

Scream out a name like in a dream,

Scream when happy,

Scream when sad,

Scream your heart out, don’t feel bad,

Scream for a reason,

Scream for none,

Scream! at the end you’ll find the heaviness gone.