Star Stuff

According to one of the greatest minds of our generation, Carl Sagan, everything is made up of star stuff, chemicals and elements that stars consist of. Some part of you could be from a star, thousands of years old, other parts, maybe millions, or billions. Everything you see now is made up of gazillion minuscule atoms, which is the smallest neutral particle. I’m not going into the physical details as my feeble understanding of physics constrain me, but it is awesome, nonetheless.

Forget, for a brief moment, the creationist theory that Man was created by God, forget the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve. Forget that ours is the only special planet where life exists, that above us there is Heaven, and below, Hell. Forget everything religion has taught you about our universe, only for a while, and open your mind and curiosity as you had done during your earliest years on this planet. Summon the inner child in you and let it wander freely.

Let’s, for a moment, assume that it is true, that we ARE star stuff, that at some point in the life of one or more of the atoms that makes us, we were part of a star, pulsating through time and space, illuminating the darkness beyond. Imagine that we were part of a star that had a Solar System, maybe more or less similar to ours, millions of years before our own. Civilizations existing in habitable planets there would have worshipped us, as ancient ones in our own Earth did the sun. I feel awesome already.

I wonder how advanced the technology in that planet would’ve progressed before we, their sun, died, consuming maybe the whole Solar System only to perish in a massively unimaginable implosion, scattering us over all the corners of the universe. Were they able to crack the code for time travel? Did they succeed in interstellar travel? I have a lot of questions I’d like to ask them, not all related to technology, of course, like did they also have to deal with pissed girlfriends? Did religion play an important role in their society? Did they have a society at all? Or governments? Were they corrupted too? etc etc.

When people/aliens/living things die, the particles they consist of dissolve, maybe into the ground, maybe in the water or simply incinerated to be dispersed as smoke in the air, never destroyed or lost. Then what about the memories? What about the time when, as a kid, he fell and Dad picked him up? When he got his first pimple? Or when he got into college? When his Dad passed away? When he got married? What about the time he believed that he had found something in life worth living for? All those memories cannot be lost, can it? What about intelligence?

I’d like to think that memories are what makes us. The star stuff that we are made of, also could contain memories, maybe from an individual that existed millions of years ago, or from individuals from different eras and different corners in the timeline of our universe. And intelligence. If so, this could possibly explain the crazy, messed up, out-of-this-worldly dreams I’ve had had. And the ones where I wake up with a brilliantly ingenious idea on how to fix just about anything. Or maybe I was just stressed and sleep-deprived.

There is a saying somewhere on the internets about us being born too soon to explore the cosmos, and too late to explore the earth. What if this were not true? What if we had the chance to travel beyond our own Solar System, beyond our galaxy? What if a light-year were as trifle as a kilometer, or a meter, and that we have access to transportation that has the technology to travel 100 Light-years/hr? (Being a person who science, I also understand the impossibility, but just go with the flow, bro/ho! NOI! NOI!) I’d like to visit the theoretically inhabitable exoplanets beyond our galaxy, to see what kind of life exists, if at all, not that I’m bored with this planet, but I already have Google Street and Facebook.

If I get to see one Alien, in the flesh, in this short lifetime of mine, I’d die happy. Hell! I’d even let it eat me with a grin on my face, but only after asking a few questions. So, now, let’s get back to believing and having faith, because as long as we are alive, faith and hope is the only thing that drives us to get out of bed each morning to do the same thing we’ve done over and over again, though it helps to keep an open mind.

“It’s not who you are, but what you do that defines you” – The Batman!


Monday – Day 1

It’s unusually quiet. I know I’m not much of a morning person, but this silence is kind of disturbing, disturbing enough to drag me from my slumber. There’s another 2 hours left for the alarm to go off, and on a Monday morning! What the actual fuck?

Last night was hazy, I don’t really remember changing but here I am in boxers. Maybe I did change into something comfy, if you know what I mean. (Note to self: too cliche!) The other side of the King-size bed seems slept in, but can’t remember what she looked like. Hmm.. Was this a dream? Is this a dream? Hurts when I pinch, so I guess NO. Anyway, too trivial to ponder about it at the moment, need to check on this “silence” thing.

The hall is empty and surprisingly un-unorganized. Knowing the habits of my friends, I’m surprised they actually cleaned up after themselves. Maybe they finally took to my routine sarcasm and learnt something. Me-1, Friends-0 woot-woot! The TV is still on, although nothing but static on every channel. I swear if Jay messed with the receiver again, he’s in for a WUURRLLLDD of hurt. Come to think of it, this kinda explains why everyone split without waking me up. Great move, assholes! It’s not like I can’t reach you guys or anything. This time, it will NOT be me who’s paying the cable-guy, Nu-huh!

The front door is open, but I can’t seem to hear anything from outside, considering the daily morning music orchestrated in perfect sync by the Neighborly band. The next door guy clearing his throat while brushing in the bathroom, loud enough to scare the pigeon family who’d made the air vents their home. Lady upstairs screaming at her kids to dress and eat faster else they’ll miss the School bus, followed by kids scurrying down flight of stairs wearing what sounds like ceramic boots. Retired geezers on their early morning walks, arguing about whatever the fuck retired old people argue about. And the never-ending honks and screeches of vehicles, some moving out, some coming home, some just going wee-woo wee-woo wee-woo wee-woo wooooot wooooot…

But today, I can hear my own heart beating. I half-expected a crowd to jump out from somewhere shouting “Happy Birthdaayy”, but they didn’t. It wasn’t my Birthday either, and even if it were, no one would go to this length to congratulate me for something which literally takes no effort from my end to achieve. I just lived and became older. Big whoop. Birthdays were fun back then, but now, there’s too much expectations from others. I remember making my birth-date private on Facebook the night before my last birthday. Suck on that, suckers. Now let’s see who remembers my Birthday without the internet to remind you! It was interesting the way it worked out, all for the better.

OK. I’m starting to feel something is not right here. After a night-long party, there’s no one passed out on the floor or anywhere, the bathroom’s clean, the kitchen is, well, acceptably decent, no broken glasses or bottles to be seen. In fact, where ARE the empty bottles anyway? It’s like Nanny McPhee flew in and got busy tidying up the house, getting people in line and left with them in a hurry, all in, let’s see, 3 hours while I was asleep? Not right at all.

I’d call up someone, but for some reason, the cellphone signal’s gone. Maybe the towers went dead. Airtel never had a very good connection in this area, it was only a matter of days before something messed with their already-waning signal. I should’ve changed to Vodafone, I guess I’d put it off for too long and now Karma is back to get my ass. Fuck it. Technology is only great when it works. If it breaks, it’s such a bitch.

The whole building is awfully quiet, so quiet in fact, I’m scared to make any noise lest I hear a response I don’t really want to hear. There’s no soul in sight. It’s funny when people say “there’s  no soul ..”, especially the ones who don’t really believe in the afterlife. The ground floor is empty, although all the vehicles seem to be at their parkings. Maybe people are still sleeping in, some holiday I was not aware of? If my Manager did not inform me of this, he’s going to get a piece of my mind, but diplomatically. I still care about that promotion, and until then, I need to be on his good side.

And as I stepped out to the open, that’s when I saw it.


Then and now

Then, I was scared that the topics I studied would not be included in the exam questions
Now, I am scared that the work experience I have right now would not matter in my next

Then, I was scared that the power would go off while I tackle the last stages of my Video
Now, I am scared that the power would go off long enough to drain my UPS battery while I
play Computer games

Then, I was scared that Mom would forget to get candies and what-not when she comes home
in the evenings
Now, I am scared of diabetes from eating pretty much whatever I want

Then, I was scared I would not be able to finish my chores on time to enjoy a Saturday
Now, I can’t enjoy a Saturday evening with incomplete errands on my mind

Then, I’d wanted to be an astronaut, pilot, missionary, knight of the round table,
adventurer.. and the list went on
Now, I’d settle for an awesome retirement plan

Then, I was scared of the dark
Now, I am scared of what lurks in it

Then, I couldn’t wait to grow up
Now, I’d give up everything to be a child again

Then, I felt I was smothered with family and affection
Now, I realise how lucky I was

Then, I could run endless miles and back home again
Now, I’m just glad the treadmill stays at the same place

Then, I’d dream about what I’d do when I grow up
Now, I reminisce about how I grew up

Then, Friday evenings were awesome
Now, Friday evening is still awesome!



My Worry

He slithers behind my every step
like a shadow, trying to catch me up,
But I cannot allow that.
I tread faster each day,
Always aware that if I pause
He’d overwhelm my spirit and dull my being.

Sometimes I pretend to outrun his grasp
and look far ahead, without glancing back,
I’m joyous for brief moments I’d cherish always.
But, alas, it is short-lived,
for he takes pleasure in reminding me
that we are bounded by chains unbreakable,
chains forged out of relations and emotions,
those that evolve to more complex things with age,
chains that will drag my corpse to the grave.

Each day is an endless battle
but daylight is my ally, I triumph.
I stay ahead without missing a step,
but as night creeps in, when he follows me home,
he lies beside me, I’m too tired to resist,
Nowhere to run, I give in
and sleep a sleepless disturbance.

PS: Hope this post better break my blogger’s block. 1 Year since! WTH!


Land of Dreams

In the land of dreams I awoke, where impossible things are an impossibility.

With skies the color of my inner peace, and stars shining bright in broad daylight,

It was a perfect day indeed, but then again, it always is.

White clouds float silently above, as the golden sun shines the light of love all around.

I walked the streets of happiness and glee, where sadness did not have a name,

Where hatred was an ancient beast, now extinct, and envy was no more.

Where logic and rationality both contend for existence, but dissolve into nothingness.

A place where hope and faith were freed from their social shackles, and roamed unbounded,

All my twisted and wildest fantasies come to life, my own little private utopia.

I meet the people I loved but lost, and the ones I missed the most

They beckon me to them, and I embrace them with tears of joy

I rest my head upon their lap .. as I slowly slumber back to reality.



Can you hear the silence? Isn’t it deafening?

Does it hurt your eardrums?

Do you need to press your palm against your ears to block out the silence?

Can you hear the silence of the one who turns his back to avoid what one does not wish to see, yet knows it exists?

Listen to the silence of corruption slowly creeping into the deepest factions of our Society,

The silence of witnesses to a crime, quietly turning around and walking the other way,

The silence of the destitute and beggars, waiting for the morrow with no hope,

The silent cries of orphans and the unwanted, wishing for love while slowing harbouring hatred.

The men of God, silently observing as the moral fiber of a society they tend to falls apart,

The men in power, silently hiding their ill-gotten gains while proclaiming a few good deeds for all to hear,

The men in lust, leaving their families in the silence of the night to be with another yet feel no remorse,

The men defeated, silently letting their life slip away refusing to fight one last time.

Pause for a moment and drown out the city sounds,

Listen carefully and you will hear not just these but more,

If you listen closely with your heart, not just your ears

You will hear the sounds that’s never heard, the silence of life.



Living in Denial

I have been quiet for some months now, not because I chose to, but more because I could not finish my posts. I have a couple lined up, but each without its conclusion, and what’s a post without a conclusion.
A few posts I read from fellow bloggers over the past few weeks kinda compelled me to this moment.
I am living in denial:
– denying the fact that I can make as much a difference in my life as I can in others’
– denying the fact that however childish and immature I want to act out, my age don’t agree no more
– denying the fact that as independent as I feel living out for 15 odd years, my folks are starting to feel homesick and need me more than I need them
– denying the fact that I don’t have much time as I think I do
– denying the fact that no matter how hard I try, the things I found enjoyable a few years back don’t appeal to me anymore
– denying the fact that the bonds formed out of friendships are thicker than those of relationships
– denying the fact that the songs I loved back then are no more music to my ears
– denying the fact that I love a quiet and me-time weekend rather than a huge and crowded party
– denying the fact that I feel the urge to study for a higher degree rather than getting a certification to beautify my resume
– denying that I can do better than what I am aiming for right now

But then again, aren’t we all living in denial?
– Are we denying the fact that we have issues in our own society that needs addressing yet no one dares speak for fear of ridicule?
– Are we denying that our culture is dying because of “westernization” or lately “Korean-ization” which is basically a subset of the afore mentioned westernization?
– Are we denying that our youths are deprived of opportunites because of the closed minded-ness and orthodox values we preach?
– Are we denying the fact that we emphasize too much on outer-humility rather than inner-selflessness?
– Are we denying our youths the confidence they need to conquer the world when all we provide them is fear of the unknown?
– Are we denying the fact that we simply do not have enough experience to make assumptions about what goes on in the rest of, forget the country, but the north-east to guide the young?
– Do we think we are the ultimate judge of all things we think we know about? What about “To err is Human..”?
– Are we denying the fact that no matter how high the pedestal is we perch upon, we have child-rapists, con-artists, corrupt officials, prostitutes, drug dealers and users, murderers and thieves in our midst? Not to mention unwanted children and orphans?
– And having a population barely the strength of a mid-size Indian city, why do we need so many NGOs? Is our government not doing a good enough job, or that, shamelessly, it cannot function without them anymore?
– Are we denying the corruption of our officials, nay, hiding them as if they were our own? Or is corruption a part of life in the 90% Christian we claim our state to be?

I guess the older one gets, life becomes more and more depressing because of the things one could’ve changed but didn’t. The good part is that, no matter what one says, there is no place like home. But then, I only spend time back home once a year, during the Xmas holidays. So all I saw were happy places and faces, but then there were sad ones too. The faces of those who had to patrol the streets every night to keep a check on public disturbances. Respect! Had it not been for the cops who tirelessly roamed the streets, I would’ve had more than 3 close shaves during the holiday season. Yep! That Red Santro who almost crashed into us on 31st night between Haflong and Durtlang, even though I was driving to the extreme left, sober up, buddy! Learn to drive when you’re drunk, you local dumbass!

Happy Belated New Year Everyone!



Uptil now..

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