Living in Denial
I have been quiet for some months now, not because I chose to, but more because I could not finish my posts. I have a couple lined up, but each without its conclusion, and what’s a post without a conclusion.
A few posts I read from fellow bloggers over the past few weeks kinda compelled me to this moment.
I am living in denial:
– denying the fact that I can make as much a difference in my life as I can in others’
– denying the fact that however childish and immature I want to act out, my age don’t agree no more
– denying the fact that as independent as I feel living out for 15 odd years, my folks are starting to feel homesick and need me more than I need them
– denying the fact that I don’t have much time as I think I do
– denying the fact that no matter how hard I try, the things I found enjoyable a few years back don’t appeal to me anymore
– denying the fact that the bonds formed out of friendships are thicker than those of relationships
– denying the fact that the songs I loved back then are no more music to my ears
– denying the fact that I love a quiet and me-time weekend rather than a huge and crowded party
– denying the fact that I feel the urge to study for a higher degree rather than getting a certification to beautify my resume
– denying that I can do better than what I am aiming for right now
But then again, aren’t we all living in denial?
– Are we denying the fact that we have issues in our own society that needs addressing yet no one dares speak for fear of ridicule?
– Are we denying that our culture is dying because of “westernization” or lately “Korean-ization” which is basically a subset of the afore mentioned westernization?
– Are we denying that our youths are deprived of opportunites because of the closed minded-ness and orthodox values we preach?
– Are we denying the fact that we emphasize too much on outer-humility rather than inner-selflessness?
– Are we denying our youths the confidence they need to conquer the world when all we provide them is fear of the unknown?
– Are we denying the fact that we simply do not have enough experience to make assumptions about what goes on in the rest of, forget the country, but the north-east to guide the young?
– Do we think we are the ultimate judge of all things we think we know about? What about “To err is Human..”?
– Are we denying the fact that no matter how high the pedestal is we perch upon, we have child-rapists, con-artists, corrupt officials, prostitutes, drug dealers and users, murderers and thieves in our midst? Not to mention unwanted children and orphans?
– And having a population barely the strength of a mid-size Indian city, why do we need so many NGOs? Is our government not doing a good enough job, or that, shamelessly, it cannot function without them anymore?
– Are we denying the corruption of our officials, nay, hiding them as if they were our own? Or is corruption a part of life in the 90% Christian we claim our state to be?
I guess the older one gets, life becomes more and more depressing because of the things one could’ve changed but didn’t. The good part is that, no matter what one says, there is no place like home. But then, I only spend time back home once a year, during the Xmas holidays. So all I saw were happy places and faces, but then there were sad ones too. The faces of those who had to patrol the streets every night to keep a check on public disturbances. Respect! Had it not been for the cops who tirelessly roamed the streets, I would’ve had more than 3 close shaves during the holiday season. Yep! That Red Santro who almost crashed into us on 31st night between Haflong and Durtlang, even though I was driving to the extreme left, sober up, buddy! Learn to drive when you’re drunk, you local dumbass!
Happy Belated New Year Everyone!