Living in Denial

I have been quiet for some months now, not because I chose to, but more because I could not finish my posts. I have a couple lined up, but each without its conclusion, and what’s a post without a conclusion.
A few posts I read from fellow bloggers over the past few weeks kinda compelled me to this moment.
I am living in denial:
– denying the fact that I can make as much a difference in my life as I can in others’
– denying the fact that however childish and immature I want to act out, my age don’t agree no more
– denying the fact that as independent as I feel living out for 15 odd years, my folks are starting to feel homesick and need me more than I need them
– denying the fact that I don’t have much time as I think I do
– denying the fact that no matter how hard I try, the things I found enjoyable a few years back don’t appeal to me anymore
– denying the fact that the bonds formed out of friendships are thicker than those of relationships
– denying the fact that the songs I loved back then are no more music to my ears
– denying the fact that I love a quiet and me-time weekend rather than a huge and crowded party
– denying the fact that I feel the urge to study for a higher degree rather than getting a certification to beautify my resume
– denying that I can do better than what I am aiming for right now

But then again, aren’t we all living in denial?
– Are we denying the fact that we have issues in our own society that needs addressing yet no one dares speak for fear of ridicule?
– Are we denying that our culture is dying because of “westernization” or lately “Korean-ization” which is basically a subset of the afore mentioned westernization?
– Are we denying that our youths are deprived of opportunites because of the closed minded-ness and orthodox values we preach?
– Are we denying the fact that we emphasize too much on outer-humility rather than inner-selflessness?
– Are we denying our youths the confidence they need to conquer the world when all we provide them is fear of the unknown?
– Are we denying the fact that we simply do not have enough experience to make assumptions about what goes on in the rest of, forget the country, but the north-east to guide the young?
– Do we think we are the ultimate judge of all things we think we know about? What about “To err is Human..”?
– Are we denying the fact that no matter how high the pedestal is we perch upon, we have child-rapists, con-artists, corrupt officials, prostitutes, drug dealers and users, murderers and thieves in our midst? Not to mention unwanted children and orphans?
– And having a population barely the strength of a mid-size Indian city, why do we need so many NGOs? Is our government not doing a good enough job, or that, shamelessly, it cannot function without them anymore?
– Are we denying the corruption of our officials, nay, hiding them as if they were our own? Or is corruption a part of life in the 90% Christian we claim our state to be?

I guess the older one gets, life becomes more and more depressing because of the things one could’ve changed but didn’t. The good part is that, no matter what one says, there is no place like home. But then, I only spend time back home once a year, during the Xmas holidays. So all I saw were happy places and faces, but then there were sad ones too. The faces of those who had to patrol the streets every night to keep a check on public disturbances. Respect! Had it not been for the cops who tirelessly roamed the streets, I would’ve had more than 3 close shaves during the holiday season. Yep! That Red Santro who almost crashed into us on 31st night between Haflong and Durtlang, even though I was driving to the extreme left, sober up, buddy! Learn to drive when you’re drunk, you local dumbass!

Happy Belated New Year Everyone!


12 Responses to “Denial”

  1. January 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    I will not deny the fact that it is a great post, a good comeback post. Agree to every point – esp “as independent as I feel living out for 15 odd years, my folks are starting to feel homesick and need me more than I need them”

  2. 2 Malsawmi Jacob
    January 25, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Hard hitting, uncomfortable facts, esp most of the second part. If only, as a society, we decide to open our eyes and admit that we have been living in denial, may be – just may be – we’d at least start looking for a solution.

  3. January 25, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    “the bonds formed out of friendships are thicker than those of relationships” I sooo agree
    Tinge reunion naah khan i lo luh zuai a i chhuah leh daih a? 😛

  4. 4 NotGood
    January 25, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    @Aduhi: I didn’t consider this to be a comeback-type post, but now that you’ve said it, THIS IS MY COMEBACK POST!! 😀 and yes, I found out recently that homesickness seem to work both ways, I guess I’m growing up!

    @MJ: Thanks for visiting! I’ve heard lotsa times in movies where they say “Admitting you have a problem is the first step.” We still need to take that ultimate step before we can start searching for a solution.

    @Mimi: About the reunion.. funny part was when I distributed handshakes, they all looked at me with baffled expressions, a hesitatingly welcoming smile while the eyes were trying to figure out which one of your classmates I was, without being impolite enough to actually ask me. That was pretty priceless, and way too awkward to stay. 😛

  5. 5 bmw
    January 27, 2011 at 5:48 am

    > Are we denying the fact that no matter how high the pedestal is we perch upon, we have child-rapists, con-artists, corrupt officials, prostitutes, drug dealers and users, murderers and thieves in our midst? Not to mention unwanted children and orphans?

    I dont know what to do with this but it sure disturbs me. Being a worrying kind, i worry just about every kid, sr citizens, mentally and physically challenged people and animals ( esp. domestic pets). I sometimes dont understand why i feel the need to protect them all( maybe i should finally make an appointment with a shrink 🙂 ). I know that as long as this old world turns, its gonna be that way…still, that doesnt make it less disturbing.

  6. 6 NotGood
    January 27, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    @bmw: Yes, that line is kinda disturbing, more so because, a P!nk puts it, ‘it screams the truth’. I guess we think we are pretty good at denying reality, but being a small and closely knit society, nothing escapes public knowledge.
    And trying to protect the helpless is inherently human nature, no matter how evil one may seem, (Unless maybe if you’re Charles Manson 😛 NOI) so unless you’re ready to shell out a few extra bucks per hr to let someone tell you what you already know, leave the Shrink for later. hehe.

    Thanks for visiting and do come back often. <– Not a request, a plea perhaps!

    PS: The initials of your username spells out one of the biggest German based car companies! Coincidence or creepy?

  7. 7 meh
    January 28, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    hah, thought the title was “daniel”, and was quite intrigued. i read upto the 3rd line wondering when this daniel’s going to make his appearance 😀
    Personally, Could really relate to the quiet me-time weekend and immaturity no longer agreeing to my age thing. As for the whole society in denial thing, I guess in a way its a kind of defense mechanism. Trying to make a change seems too daunting a prospect, and seeing and doing nothing, too guilt-inducing. And then we become accustomed to whats around us and we get swept along the tide of denial into murkier waters, as we try to convince ourselves that our neighbours smell a lot worse than we do.

  8. 8 NotGood
    January 29, 2011 at 12:37 am

    @kukuku: Our neighbors smell a lot worse when they deny the fact that they don’t! Denial never got anybody anywhere, actually it got everybody everywhere, but we can’t go on like this forever! And we get accustomed to what we have when we stop trying to change it! but then I know the task is immensely overwhelming, maybe that is why we give up and go with the flow..

  9. 9 jerusha
    February 1, 2011 at 11:27 am

    This time when I went home it was very different from other happy trips back home. I went to Damna In, and also spent considerable time in the hospital. It was morbid, to say the least. Our hospitals suck (which I’d never realised before), and ‘vai’ doctors are kinder to their patients than Mizo doctors (not all of course..but you know what I mean), and we yak about our “mizo-ness” and our Christian spirit, and the hospitals are filled with poor people, and the many ‘healing homes’ filled with abandoned kids and the like. As for the things I am in denial of personally, well that’s a different matter altogether 🙂

  10. 10 NotGood
    February 3, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    @Jerusha: Growing up in a Hospital campus, I’m in denial of the fact that some of the doctors, nurses and workers I’ve known since childhood and the ones I grew up with, may not necessarily be as endearing to other people at their workplace as they are with me, but then again, are we really any different?
    And I guess living in denial is a small part of being Human, and death is the ultimate truth!

  11. June 25, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    deep stuff buddy.. need to talk to you. 9622022296

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