As I laid my head down to rest
  on the softness of my pillow
I tried to sleep but knowing
  that dreams were far away

A deep and disturbing thought
  awoke the gray cells of my mind
I’ve heard about the news abroad
  A man had massacred his family

He shot his wife and children too
  then pulled the trigger on himself
I thought what horrors must’ve this man foreseen
  to take the ultimate step

What pain must he have anticipated
  Not to leave his toddler alive
If he had reached the end of the rope
  Why didn’t he call for help?

Was it that help was nearby waiting
  for him to put his faith
Or was it that it was nowhere
  and his frantic search proved futile

I wondered why such an ordinary man
  was compelled to do the worst
And if faced with the same desperation
  Would I have done the same?


12 Responses to “Desperation”

  1. August 19, 2009 at 3:46 am

    The first thing that came to my mind was that Stephen King book Desperation. And why do you think about such things before going to sleep?

  2. 3 NotGood
    August 19, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    @Aduhi: I think i’ve read the book, if its something about the old abandoned mine, and something about shapeshifting or something.. long time back.. The reason these thoughts came up was because of my damn CHAIN of THOUGHTS.. 😛 It all started with how unsleepy I was and ended up here..

    @Fed: ???

  3. 4 mesjay
    August 19, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    Such sad things happen, yeah, it must have been real desperation. What can happen to the human mind when all hopes have flown away!

  4. August 19, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    Um… i don’t know whether desperation or ultimate depression…
    Anyway, there is this one Guy from Kolasib (in prison now) who killed his girlfriend in the most brutal way.. you might have heard abt it (he got her pregnant while still in pursuit for the pastor’s daughter). What he confessed was that there was a very loud voice who kept telling him to kill her. After having done that he burnt his clothes and went straight to the church to conduct the choir.This had been the eeriest story I’ve ever heard.. its a psychological problem… I donno…

  5. 6 NotGood
    August 20, 2009 at 1:32 am

    @mesjay: The point I wanted to make here was how a completely normal person did an incompletely abnormal act, and maybe if such bad things can happen to good people, would we be capable of doing the same if faced with the same situation?

    @Rita: I would think that that incident would lean slightly towards insanity. I mean, the voices in the head, the complete absence of guilt to burn the evidence and conduct a choir after commiting the murder! In my book, that’s pretty close to complete animosity! 😛

  6. 7 kym
    August 20, 2009 at 11:48 am

    INTRODUCTION: This is Kym. Resides in Delhi and immensely love reading. So one day I get bored in my office and happens to came across your blog and end up commenting on this one.

    This poem reminds me of my friend who cannot accept the fact that her body resembles a gigantic structure. But she was so unaware that that exactly brings her to the point of uniqueness. It still has that beauty which nobody else, even after years of trying, can achieve it. There are so many out there trying to add up to their skin and still failed. And this friend of mine cannot take it any longer and decides to end this feeling by simply ending her life. It was such a sad thing and I somehow feel bad that I can’t do anything.

  7. 8 NotGood
    August 20, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    @Kym who resides in Delhi: Thanks for dropping by. The post acutally started out as a normal post, but due to lack of vocabulary, ended up a poem. I’m sorry about your friend, suicide is hardly the way to go. The world indeed is a cruel place.
    Sometimes, there is only so much that the human mind can handle. I think that apart from the everyday stress we go through, if there is a bigger and larger burden thrust upon us, there’s no telling how one would react to that kind of pressure.
    Drop by again, happier posts ahead.

  8. August 24, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    Not to make light of the serious poem… when i cant fall asleep listening to a fm station with old songs playing never fails to put me to sleep..

    Do try to get a hold of this film…not too related to the situation up there but it’s about death too.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taste_of_Cherry

  9. 10 NotGood
    August 24, 2009 at 11:50 pm

    @Blind: I have trouble sleeping when there’s too much sound or light (Unless I’m completely exhausted, in which case, I can snooze off even on a train platform on a hot summer day!), although I could probably sleep to the slow droning of any of Atal Vajpayee’s speeches. 😛
    I checked out the link and it looks interesting. I love movies, any genre. At one time, I had a craze for blood-and-gore Japanese flicks which never saw the light of day pretty much anywhere cos’ they were too damn bloody. Check out films like Battle Royale, Machine Girl, etc.. 😛

  10. 11 Jerusha
    August 27, 2009 at 6:28 am

    At some point, it almost seemed like killing your family first and then exiting after them graciously was the “in” thing to do (as tasteless as that may sound). You know I think it’s the family..I mean if you’re alone, you can kind of take being jobless, even being out on the streets, but when you have this bunch of human beings you love dearly and who depend on you fully, taking them to the streets must be an unbearable thought.

  11. 12 NotGood
    August 27, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    @Jerusha: That’s exactly what I thought.. I wondered if he’d rather die in peace knowing that his family need not suffer the humiliation and misery, rather than to die an unpeaceful death with thoughts of his beloved family going through the pain and suffering, something he’d left his home country for, as the last thing on his mind. He would forever roam the underworld with the deepest regret.. Yet I don’t think that gives him the right to take their lives, but then again, it’s only normal humans in perfectly ideal situations who makes laws.. The world is indeed, a crazy place.

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