Chandni chowk to China

I watched the movie a few days back, not for any reason but just to watch it. I’ve read the reviews beforehand on the internet, heard from friends who blew away a few beers worth to watch it at a City Multiplex, I know how bad the movie was even before it started and expected the worst, but nothing could prepare me for what I had to endure. If there was a one-word description for the movie, SHIT would pretty much be it.

There were exactly 2 scenes which I find originally funny the whole  till-what-I-could-bring-myself-to-bear in the movie. One was where the hero found a Potato resembling the Hindu God Ganesha and what transpired after. It was funny cos’ it was so close to reality. The other was in an airplane when they were leaving for China, which would be funnier if watched than described. Both these events happened at the start of the movie, after which the rest of the movie went pretty much downhill, with no hope of a comeback/resurrection.

I am not going to write about the story of the movie, believe me, there was none. There was no logical, illogical or extremely supernatural explanation for anything that went on in the movie. The thing that pisses me off, is that they inserted cartoonish comedy scenes in the movie, then make them emote (Like that was possible) and create drama, so the movie is kinda like the transition between Cartoon Network and TNT (which used to cause much sadness back then.. sigh!), but neither here nor there.

The thing I noticed about Indian acting/actors in the movie kinda opened my eyes (With a bit of help from internet Forums on acting and Cinema),  I’ve read that anger and sorrow are the easiest emotions to portray for an actor, and Indian actors take that too seriously, cos’ those are the only two emotions they CAN potray. When they are angry, they scream in anger, when motivated, they scream with motivation, when scared, they scream in fear… and on the other hand, when they are sad, they cry in sorrow, when happy, they cry in happiness, when scared, they cry in fear.. No wonder Hindi movies are full of screaming, then crying, then more screaming, then more crying and it goes on till the hero kills the Villian. Each movie dwells on the same small collection of what directors call “Success formulae”, funny part is that some actually are Big Hits at the Indian BAX AFFIS.

Back to the movie, contrary to popular belief, Deepika could actually perform action stunts. There was a scene when the hero reached China airport and there was an action sequence with her. She didn’t suck as much as I had anticipated. Maybe it was the Action director, maybe it was the camera director, or maybe it simply was the illusion that hot-bodied chicks create when they perform action stunts which make them look better than they actually are… Lara Croft, Resident Evil, Electra, etc etc… (You KNOW what I’m talking about.. unless you’re a female, of course.. hmm..) But seriously, unless they did find a really Indian-looking Chinese stuntwoman, I would like to believe that our Indian beauty performed her own stunts, and it was pretty impressive.

Sooo… at the end of my patience, I stopped the movie and started listening to music to cool my nerves.. which I think was about 15 mins after the intermission… and yes.. Intermission.. Aren’t movies (Mostly indian which still has the INTERMISSION thing) suppose to create a feeling of suspense and thrill just as the INTERMISSION sign appears on the screen?? That moment in this movie was as thrilling and suspenseful as watching your nails grow.. on a moonless night.. under the sheets!

So my advice to the handful who pass through this way… who am I kidding?? I watch sad, pathetic Bollywood movies (Even though I hate them) when I could’ve watched others, and then rant about it on my blog! I guess I should be taking advice from youse guys.. Peace!


2 Responses to “Chandni chowk to China”

  1. 1 gkhiangte
    May 2, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    thank god you’ve watched it and save us mortals from the worst nightmare!
    i won’t watch the movie..
    have u watched “life in a metro”?
    its okay but i dont understand why shilpa shetty has to wear flawless makeup while sleeping??

  2. 2 NotGood
    May 2, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    @Gkhiangte: I guess “life in a metro” would’ve probably been a better watch, cos’ I liked “Page 3” by the same director.. and FYI, Shilpa wears makeup at night for the same reason why Salman goes topless at the drop of a hat, why actors still wear boot-cuts and actresses still think thick-heeled shoes are still the IN thing, ITS BOLLY’V’OOD !! :p

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