The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

I was reading stuff about Intelligent Design on Wiki, following up on a movie I recently watched named “Flock of Dodos”. The movie debates about the Theory of Evolution and that of Intelligent Design, something which I didn’t really know about much.

As it turns out, there are a lotta people out there making up their own theories and deductions about life and the whole idea of Creation, and they back it up with really crazy/funny ideas. Anyways, here is something which I find really fascinating!

*** This is a total rip-off from Wikipedia ***

The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is the deity of the parody religion. “The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster“. It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution in public schools. Since the intelligent design movement used ambiguous references to an unspecified “Intelligent Designer” to avoid court rulings prohibiting the teaching of creationism as a science, this presumably left open the possibility that any imaginable thing could fill that role.

Captain Mosey and the Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”

While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he couldn’t find a pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain (a parody of Moses) received some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. These were called the “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” by the FSM, the “Commandments” by Mosey, and the “Condiments” by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”, two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event “partly accounts for Pastafarians’ flimsy moral standards.” The FSM’s commandments address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition. The morals and standards expressed by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the deity of pastafarians, supposedly said that the simple language of the Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” makes them easy to understand for anyone while still maintaining an accurate portrayal of the beliefs and values he’d like his followers to keep in mind.

 

The Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”

1. I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.
2. I’d really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
3. I’d really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
4. I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is “go fuck yourself,” unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go on a walk for a change.
5. I’d really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
6. I’d really rather you didn’t build multi-million dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
   1. Ending poverty
   2. Curing diseases
   3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable

   I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.

7. I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?
8. I’d really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.